When planning a funeral ceremony, one of the questions that often comes up early on is what readings or music to include. These choices can feel surprisingly hard - especially when emotions are still raw and decisions need to be made relatively quickly. The good news is that there’s no single “right” choice. What matters most is that the words and music feel meaningful to those gathered, and that they help tell the story of the person being remembered.
Here are a few gentle thoughts to help you find what feels right.
Think about what truly reflects the person’s character
Was your loved one serious or funny? Thoughtful or lively? Did they enjoy poetry, or were they more drawn to simple, heartfelt words? You don’t have to choose something traditional or formal unless that suits them. A reading, song, or piece of music that captures their personality will always feel genuine.
Sometimes a favourite piece of popular music, a few lines from a novel, or even something they used to say often (such as a proverb or a limerick) can be just as powerful as a traditional poem or hymn.
Consider the tone you’d like to set
Music and readings can gently shape the mood of a ceremony. Would you like it to feel reflective and calm, or more like a celebration of life? A ceremony can hold both sadness and joy, so it’s perfectly fine to include moments that lift people’s spirits alongside those that invite quiet reflection.
You might choose one piece that brings a smile and another that allows space for tears. The balance between the two can make a ceremony feel very real and human.
Choose something that feels personal, not perfect
Families sometimes worry about whether their choices are “appropriate”. In truth, the most touching moments often come from personal connection rather than convention. A song that reminds you of family holidays, or a poem that speaks to your shared humour or love, will mean far more than something chosen to please others.
If a piece of music or a reading makes you pause, smile, or feel something genuine - that’s often your answer.
Remember that silence can be powerful too
Not every part of a ceremony needs to be filled. A short pause after a reading, or a quiet moment between pieces of music, can give everyone space to reflect and breathe. Silence can often say what words cannot. I can help you work out the cadence of this.
Ask for guidance if you need it
If you’re unsure where to start, that’s completely normal. As a celebrant, part of my role is to help families find words and music that fit - whether that means suggesting something new or shaping what you already have in mind. Together, we can make sure every element feels natural and meaningful.
Choosing readings and music is never about perfection; it’s about connection. The right choices are simply the ones that feel true to the life you’re honouring - the words and melodies that help everyone remember, reflect and, in their own way, say goodbye.