When planning a funeral, families often ask whether it’s appropriate to include personal items - something that belonged to the person who has died or that symbolises who they were. It might be a football scarf, a national flag, a favourite book, a gardening hat, or a set of well-worn walking boots.
The simple answer is yes - if it feels right, it’s absolutely fine. Including personal items can bring warmth, honesty and a sense of connection to a ceremony. It can remind everyone that the person being remembered was unique, loved and wonderfully real.
Objects can tell a story
A ceremony is, at its heart, a way of telling someone’s story. The right item can express something about a person more vividly than words alone. A fishing rod, a teacup, a paintbrush, or a well-thumbed novel - each can spark memories, smiles or gentle laughter. Objects can serve as touchstones, bringing a sense of familiarity and grounding to those who attend. They remind us of shared experiences, of what made that person “them”.
Small gestures, big meaning
Including personal items doesn’t mean turning the ceremony into an exhibition. Often, the simplest touches have the greatest impact - a single scarf laid across the coffin, a pair of ballet shoes placed beside flowers, or a photograph displayed quietly nearby. Sometimes, families choose to hold or carry an item as part of the ceremony - perhaps placing a flower, medal, or note during a moment of reflection. These gestures help people take part in a way that feels gentle and natural.
Honouring identity and belonging
Personal items can also express connection to a community, cause, or passion. A team scarf, military insignia, or flag can symbolise part of a person’s identity and what mattered deeply to them. When used with thought and respect, these touches can add depth and dignity to a ceremony. If different family members hold varied views about what should be included, it can help to talk together about the meaning behind the item. Usually, when the intention is clear - love, pride, remembrance - everyone can find comfort in it.
Creating balance
As with everything in a ceremony, balance is key. Personal items should enhance the atmosphere rather than overwhelm it; a few carefully chosen pieces can speak volumes, while too many can distract from the moment’s stillness. This is something that I can help with as your celebrant - deciding what to include, how to present it and when during the ceremony to draw attention to it.
A ceremony that feels real
There’s no rulebook for what can or can’t be part of a funeral these days; if an item holds meaning, tells a story, or brings comfort, I think it might well deserve a place. A ceremony that includes small, personal touches often feels more grounded and a true reflection of the life it honours. It’s those familiar objects, infused with memory, that remind everyone present: this was a real person, loved deeply and still remembered with warmth.